just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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