i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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