I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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