OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
