That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
