You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
