Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
