And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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