so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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