My liver just broke up with me...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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