i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
