I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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