I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
