can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
