They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
