Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
