a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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