On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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