You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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