I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
