Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
