Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
