I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
