you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
