A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
