i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
