Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im part way to drunk.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
