The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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