I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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