tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
