i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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