It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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