so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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