Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
