Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
