zippers are such a cool invention
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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