I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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