i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
