its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
