3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
