I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
