I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
