Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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