just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So here I am, sexting at work.
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