Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
