You smell like stripper and shame
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
