the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
