If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
