I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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