YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
