i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
