Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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