Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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