I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
