you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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