my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
