My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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