i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
