I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
