____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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