you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
