I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
