I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
