Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
