Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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