So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
