ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
