ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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