am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
