mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
