So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
