Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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