I can tuck mytits in my pants
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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